Paintings on Paper - “Growing is Unlearning.”

Paintings on Paper.

“Growing is unlearning.”

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There’s a real danger to painting out of fear.

I’ve always believed that technical prowess can be gained by anybody. It’s just a matter of time, practice, proper and diligent study and a certain tenacity.

As a younger man and a self-taught artist, starstruck by the competence of others, countless hours were spent studying drawing, anatomy (the names of muscles and bones have never proved useful to me), shape and form, perspective, edgework, values, and color theory, etc. I was made to believe that skill is paramount, completely derailing a certain freedom that so many great artists enjoy. A freedom to explore.

I heard not long ago that a better approach to learning is to train both technique and exploration. To have a good and balanced diet.

So most of the work until now has been made influenced by fear. Fear that my skill is not good enough, fear of the other, of the unknown and the judgement that it may bring. Making work under these conditions means the work was not honest. It’s work that’s made in a performative way. Trying to please others but not yourself.

However, now I’ve found myself in a place where it doesn’t make sense to move forward with the work if it’s not honest. If it’s not made despite of fear. If it doesn’t unabashedly talk about myself as a human and an artist, if it’s not relentlessly honest.

Whether that cascades into what my mind has decided to label “the little and big tragedies of life.” Whether it’s the subject matter of the work, or how the work looks like or any other thing that relates to it, it can’t happen out of fear.

I’m not here to please anybody but myself. To follow what my blood whispers to me.

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January 12th, 2024 – 3:51PM.